Omelets

What's The Best Way To Make An Omelette When You're Pissed? - Asks Brian Tansey
             Solution - Ted Browne
             Another Solution - Bruce Trinque
             The Best Omelet - Yvonne Soy
             A Non-complex Omelet - Greg White
             A Revisionist Omelet - Dan Connelly
             The Non-complex Omelet, Calorie by Calorie - Charlezzzzz Muñoz
Another Omelet Recipe - Randall Allred
Non-Stick Omelet - John Marmet

What's The Best Way To Make An Omelette When You're Pissed? - Asks Brian Tansey
Solution - Ted Browne
While sober find a woman. Get to know her a bit: Take her out, spot of romance, flowers, great lover bit, etc, etc, etc. Make sure she likes you enough to put up with you getting p...d occasionally.
When p...d, you say something along the lines of: "Hello beautiful (big smile at this point) I have had a few too many, but I'm starving, any chance of a quick omelette, gorgeous (hopeful smile at this point).
With any luck at all you get an omelette and maybe even a coffee...

Another Solution - Bruce Trinque
(1) Turn off stove
(2) Walk out door
(3) Go to the nearest good restaurant serving omelets.

The Best Omelet - Yvonne Soy
But the Best Omelette around is something I concocted years ago. And anyone, even non-cooks and children, can make it.
Crab Omelette
Two large eggs
Minced onion (maybe 1 TB but no more than 3 TB)
Butter
Salt and pepper
Crab meat with crab juice (I use a 6-oz. can and save the water that comes with it)
Heat the saute pan to medium-hot
Melt the butter in it
Scramble the eggs and pour into heated pan of melted butter
Salt and pepper and cook eggs (but do not scramble any further) until slightly still wet on top
Add the minced onion and then the crab meat with crab juice/water
Fold into an omelette and wait half a minute before removing carefully from the pan
I usually serve said crab omelette with shoestring-cut French fries fried in olive oil (obviously fried before the omelette). Sweet pomme frites! And then I'll garnish the plate with sliced cherry tomatoes, if they're available.

A Non-complex Omelet - Greg White
Well, assuming you ignore the good advice already posted on this thread:
Heat a non-stick skillet with butter, fairly high heat. Butter. Not any other finky lubricant.
Crack two or three eggs into a bowl, beat. Small skillet, no more than three eggs.
Just as the butter turns brown and starts to smoke (just a tiny bit of smoke), slide the eggs into the skillet.
Turn the heat to medium low.
Let them sit. Bubbles will form - pop them. Wait. As the eggs form a fully coagulated mass, add cheese/tomatoes/whatever you want. Tilt the pan and flip one side of the omelette over the top. Let sit in the pan for a minute, then serve.
If this seems too complex, you're doing it wrong, or you're pissed. I think it was Julia Child who said that the best way to learn to make an omelette was to burn a few - just buy a bunch of eggs and go at it. She also would disagree with me about my "flip" suggestion, but I doubt she wrote her version for someone who was pissed!

A Revisionist Omelet - Dan Connelly
Greg wrote (above):
"Let them sit. Bubbles will form - pop them. Wait. As the eggs form a fully coagulated mass, add cheese/tomatoes/whatever you want. Tilt the pan and flip one side of the omelette over the top. Let sit in the pan for a minute, then serve."

Everything was good until here. Even experts disagree. Don't add anything yet. When the bottom is solidly cooked (but the egg isn't cooked through), flip the whole omelette (here's where you can really mess things up. If I'm pissed, I do this over the sink, not the stove). Let that side cook for about 30 seconds and flip it back, then add the filling. Fold in half as instructed above. What my added step does, besides delay the meal, and place it in dire risk of ending up on the floor, is to ensure that the egg is cooked all the way through, and that the cheese is in contact with a good hot surface for delicious melting. I am the best omelette maker I know and I offer a standing invitation to any Gunroom lissun to come here and sample one.

The Non-complex Omelet, Calorie by Calorie - Charlezzzzz Muñoz
Lissuns of elegant sveltness may follow Greg's directions. But may I point out that:

(1) Two tablespoons of butter (which is almost entirely FAT) will come to about 240 calories.
(2) Which will put somewhat more than an ounce of added weight to your body.
(3) An ounce of added weight will be embodied in a glob of FAT about the size of your thumb. Well, not a glob exactly: it will be distributed among the 30 billion fat cells in your body, making those fat cells very happy.
On the other hand,
(4) You could spray as many as 200 spritzes of finky spray-cooking-stuff into your pan for the same number of calories. But you'd probably be as happy with 3 or 4 of those spritzes.
And that ain't all:
(5) Each egg is around 80 calories. About 60 of those calories are in the yolk, which is a fat-bomb. So get rid of the yolks. Separate them and send them to an enemy.
(6) And make a white omelet. You've saved maybe 400 calories.
(7) Invest your savings in three ounces of the Glenlivet served in a goblet containing half a measuring cup of Coca Cola. Stir: don't shake. Drink to Julia! Give your omelet to the poor.

Another Omelet Recipe - Randall Allred
Another omelet recipe, approximately: use a sharp Italian cheese with lots of flavor, like Fontinella, or even Romano, along with mushrooms, scallions (green onions) and a wee bit of rosemary in the eggs.

Non-Stick Omelet - John Marmet
I have learned to make omelets over 20 years. I have great success in a medium AllClad frying pan, heated to medium high, then olive oil till it just begins to smoke, pour in two or three beaten eggs, then as the eggs start to set (right after pouring them in) take a silicone spatula and run around the center a few times (about 5), breaking up the set egg and letting the raw connect to the pan, turn the heat down to medium and allow to almost set up. Put in any goodies (cheese, basil, onion, green peppers, tomatoes, ham, sausage, whatever), run your silicone spatula around the entire edge, lifting the egg up, then fold that puppy over and slide onto the plate. The higher temperature with the oil prevents the sticking, the mixing in the pan prevents the surface from burning before the center cooks.
I don't use non-stick surfaces. I have. I don't anymore.