Mountain Walrus
New Eco-Rant - Bill Nyden
Baby Mountain Walrus Pelts - Vanessa
Mountain Walrus Stew - Susan Wenger
Mountain Walrus Stew, Other Uses - David Goldblatt
Eat the Walrus - Bruce Trinque
Anchovies - Vanessa
Anchovies - Greg White
Anchovies - Bruce Trinque
Carving Techniques - Bruce Trinque
Carving Techniques - Greg White
Carving Techniques - Lois
What Wine? - Stuart Hamer
Chateau Haut-Brion - Susan Wenger
Cabernet or ... - Marian Van Til
Burgundy - Bill Nyden
Merlot - Greg Menke
Whole Stuffed Camel - Alice Gomez
Hot Gingered Pygmy Mammoth and Jumbo Shrimp Salad
Cooking Bear
Adam Quinan
Bob Saldeen
Charlezzzzz Muñoz
Whale Recipes - Alex Frakt
Whale Steak
Joint of Whale Meat Steeped in Red Wine Marinade
Whale Steak with Green Peas - A Recipe
Blue Whale
Kwakuitl Recipe For A Whale Found Dead
Menu served at the Cafe Voisin, 261, rue St. Honorè, Paris
December 25, 1870
99th Day of the Siege
Mountain Walrus
New Eco-Rant - Bill Nyden
Save the mountain walrus!!!
Baby Mountain Walrus Pelts - Vanessa
....although protected now by tree-hugging liberals such as haunt this list, the pelt of a baby Mountain Walrus will still fetch a commanding price in the opium dens of Majorca, where I spent my youth.
Mountain Walrus Stew - Susan Wenger
This calls for a recipe:
Mountain Walrus Stew - Serves 3,000 as a main dish
Ingredients:
One medium-sized mountain walrus
15 gallons of tomato sauce
200 garlic cloves, peeled, pressed
50 onions, sliced
3 cans of anchovies (optional)
1 scant teaspoon of m*rm*te
salt and pepper to taste
NO millers, NO vegemite
2 rabbits (optional)
Ask your butcher to clean, de-tusk, and de-bristle the mountain walrus. If you are squeamish, have him remove the eyes as well.
Chop finely. Be sure to allow plenty of time for this task - 48 man-hours is not unreasonable.
Marinate the walrus meat in tomato sauce infused with garlic, onions, marmite, anchovies if desired, salt and pepper. Let stand, covered, in a very large refrigerator, for 24 hours.
Place meat in large kettles; season to taste. Bring to a rolling boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 24 hours.
If more than 3,000 diners are present, you may add 2 rabbits during the last hour of cooking, but do so only if necessary because most people do not like to find hares in their stew.
Garnish with parsley and fresh mint, and serve with crusty bread to sop up the juices.
Note: mountain walrus is usually quite fatty - skim off fat periodically. Reserve if desired: mountain walrus fat can be frozen, diced, then sprinkled over peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for an unusual taste treat.
Mountain Walrus Stew, Other Uses - David Goldblatt
It [the fat] also makes excellent axle grease for those arduous journeys over the Rockies.
Eat the Walrus - Bruce Trinque
Susan, I am shocked -- utterly shocked -- that you should choose such a moment as this to present this ... this ... this recipe. With the coming Thanksgiving release of Disney's "Free Wally", a heartwarming tale of a young boy's quest to release a captive Mountain Walrus from the local zoo so that it can once again roam the mountains and eat mustangs, I can only hope that immature, impressionable minds are not forever warped by your callous action.
Is it true that you were behind McDonald's "Chicken McNugget" promotional tie-in with this past summer's "Chicken Run" movie? Heaven knows how many emotional scars were inflicted when little Johnny and little Jenny found themselves munching upon a favored animated character after leaving the theater!
Anchovies - Vanessa
I shall indeed attempt your recipe, although in all my previous experience I have found the Mountain Walrus to be quite rubbery and gamey, not at all to my taste.
I must say, with the deepest possible conviction, that I believe the addition of anchovies to be a profoundly unwise choice.
Anchovies - Greg White
I believe the anchovies are only appropriate when inserted under the skin of a roast Mountain Walrus, IMO.
(Only to be carved with a scalpel recently used for dissections.)
Anchovies - Bruce Trinque, which he remembers with fondness the New England Boiled Walrus dinners his mother used to make
It all depends on whether you use free range anchovies or not!
Carving Techniques - Bruce Trinque
By the way, partially freezing the walrus carcass before chopping considerably reduces the time required for this onerous task.
Carving Techniques - Greg White
... and the process can be further expedited by simply tossing the partially frozen Wally into a brush chipper.
Carving Techniques - Lois
Or, for the lucky cook who has everything: a woodchipper.
What Wine? - Stuart Hamer
What wine do you recommend be served with this dish, can you supply a quick answer please as I heard walrus is on special at Safeway
Chateau Haut-Brion - Susan Wenger
The Chateau Haut-Brion is the oldest and by far the smallest of the "Premiers grands crus" vineyards of the Gironde 1855 classification. Soft on the tongue, amusing to the palate, this would be a perfect accompaniment to the first-day mountain walrus stew. For leftovers, if you have any, you might enjoy last Tuesday's pressing of Gallo red, a fair reflection of the taste of anyone who has leftovers of this fabulous dish.
Cabernet or ... - Marian Van Til
You need something robust. I'd try an oaky cabernet if I were you. Or a bottle of rubbing alcohol.
Burgundy - Bill Nyden
Red Mountain Burgundy-- by the gallon. (Does anyone know if it's still available?) It and Boone's Farm were standards when I was in college.
Merlot - Greg Menke
Ahh, a fine vintage. I think Riunite Merlot (served on the rocks, of course) might go pretty well for those with sophisticated palates.
Whole Stuffed Camel - Alice Gomez
In a cookbook called International Cuisine, presented by California Home Economics Teachers, 1983 (ISBN 0-89626-051-8), you will find:
Whole Stuffed Camel
1 whole camel, medium size
1 whole lamb, large size
20 whole chickens, medium size
60 eggs
12 kilos rice
2 kilos pine nuts
2 kilos almonds
1 kilo pistachio nuts
110 gallons water
5 pounds black pepper
Salt to taste
Skin, trim and clean camel (once you get over the hump), lamb and chicken. Boil until tender. Cook rice until fluffy. Fry nuts until brown and mix with rice. Hard boil eggs and peel. Stuff cooked chickens with hard boiled eggs and rice. Stuff the cooked lamb with stuffed chickens. Add more rice. Stuff the camel with the stuffed lamb and add rest of rice. Broil over large charcoal pit until brown. Spread any remaining rice on large tray and place camel on top of rice. Decorate with boiled eggs and nuts. Serves friendly crowd of 80-100.
Shararazod Eboli, Home Economist, Dammam, Saudi Arabia
Hot Gingered Pygmy Mammoth and Jumbo Shrimp Salad Feeds your whole tribe.
1 pygmy mammoth, boned and cubed (about 1/2 ton)
1/2 ton jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined (many many ordinary shrimps, or one Ebirah claw)
10 buckets sesame seeds
60 pounds bean thread noodles if you are an Eastern tribe, whatever your tribe uses for noodles otherwise. If you have not yet invented the noodle, this might be a good time to do so.
1 bucket vegetable oil
1 bucket sesame oil
Salt
10 buckets minced fresh ginger
6 buckets minced garlic
15 buckets dry Sherry
15 buckets rice wine vinegar
60 pounds sugar
60 buckets diced fresh mangoes
15 buckets chopped green onions
Big Snorgul's helmet full of red pepper flakes
10 buckets chopped fresh cilantro, plus 5 Big Snorgul's helmets fresh cilantro, garnish
1000 large heads lettuce, cored and leaves separated (a raid on the People Who Grow Stuff may be necessary)
30 buckets thinly sliced, peeled, seeded, drained cucumbers, or just chop up the damn cucumbers and say "Fie to thee!" a lot
All the chives you got
Preheat a giant turtle shell over a fumarole. A big giant turtle. Put some oil in there. Make sure no other giant turtles are around to see you do this.
On a flat rock, stirring with your Stick of the Dining God, dry cook the sesame seeds over medium heat until they are brown and smell good. Remove from the heat. Add the noodles to the turtle shell and fry fast until puffy and the color of sunrise. Remove from the oil and drain on non-itchy leaves. Throw salt. Set aside.
Sear the mammoth meat on the flat rock. Salt but don't overdo it, you remember what happened to the Chest-Clutching Tribe of the Plains. Drain.
Get a less giant turtle shell. Okay, think of this as a celebration dish for a good turtle hunt and shrimp catch. Make the vegetable oil and most of the sesame oil dance. Add the shrimp, mammoth, ginger, and garlic, and cook fast, stirring, until the shrimp are just pink and firm. Doom of Ten Thousand Wretched Canap's awaits those who overcook shrimp. Remove from the shell with pole weapons. Add the sherry and vinegar, and sing the Song of Deglazing over medium heat. Add the sugar and stir until it is one with the sauce. Cook until half the fluid is gone. Feed anybody who thinks this is waste to the giant turtles. Add the rest of the sesame oil, mangoes, green onions, and pepper flakes, and stir to warm through and wilt. No, this wilt is good. Tell the people it is the wilt of the Wilt God. You need all the mojo you can get. Remove from the heat and add the shrimp and ginger, and the cilantro. Stir to warm through and do the Highly Dramatic Ritual of Adjusting the Seasoning to Taste.
Now your tribal status is on the thin edge of the cleaver. Have everybody bring what they eat off of. You know your tribe. Put lettuce on whatever they hold out and spread the hot stuff on it. Those who have no eating platters should be used to the drill by now. Arrange cucumber slices on top in whatever symbolic pattern seems propitious to you and sprinkle with the toasted sesame seeds. If you have a really tough tribe, yell 'Bam!' until they get a groove going. Add fried noodles, cilantro sprigs, and chives, and watch for any signs of people keeling over that can't be blamed on strong drink.
Cooking Bear
Adam Quinan
One of my colleagues has been moose hunting in Northern Ontario and has managed to bag a bear instead. I assume that this was a real bear and not some unfortunate naval officer trying to escape.
He is offering some of the meat for the rest of us to try and I was wondering what bear tastes like.
I believe Hank Burchard has served it to Charlezzzzz (and others?) and so I was wondering; does it eat well? What is the best cut and how do you prepare it?
Bob Saldeen
I had bear meat at a Cajun restaurant a few years ago. It was braised, with a lot of gravy. Not particularly tasty--just your basic gamey dark meat. Kinda tough. Not sure what the cut was--it looked like maybe a conventional ribeye. Cut a little thinner, probably to help with the toughness.
My best guess on the cut---take a cut that would be good on a cow, like the ribeye, or a filet. Something where there's a possibility of some fat in the muscle tissue. You might try stewing it too.
I wouldn't order it again...
Charlezzzzz Muñoz
A question to Hank might get you an answer.
To serve it, douse the lights, light a candle, and have Killick and his mate parade around the table bearing the bear's grim and polished skull, great mouth open, and in the mouth, a cat's skull. After that, matters of cut, preparation, and taste diminish to a jot, or perhaps to a tittle.
I nibbled on a bit of shoulder. It was sweet. Better I nibbled on the bear than vice versa, I can tell you that.
Whale Recipes - Alex Frakt
from Norwegian Whale Meat Recipes (Wayback Machine)
Whale Steak 4 portions
4 slices of whalemeat, about 150 - 180 g
Salt and pepper, preferably freshly ground
4 onion rings
2 dessert spoonfuls of finely diced green or red peppers
1 dessert spoonful of finely diced parsley
1 dessert spoonful of finely diced gherkins
Carve the meat into slices of about 1.5 to 2 cm thick, beat them with your hands and press them into shape. Preheat the frying pan and melt some butter in it. Brown the butter before adding the meat. Fry the steaks on both sides. Whale meat should be fried for about 4-5 minutes on each side. The steaks taste best when they are medium rare, but they should be warmed right through and not eaten raw. Serve the steaks on a plate, place an onion ring on each of them and fill it with peppers, parsley and gherkins. Potato scollops taste good together with the steaks. Serve with a bowl of good, crisp lettuce and salad.
Joint of Whale Meat Steeped in Red Wine Marinade
Ingredients for 6-8 portions:
1 1/4 kilos of whale meat
3 dl red wine
1 dl vegetable oil
3 ground cloves
1/2 teaspoonful of coarsely ground pepper
2 teaspoonfuls of salt
The Marinade
3/4 litres of juices from the meat
Thickening (milk and flour)
4 dessert spoonfuls of sour cream
Sugar colouring
Salt
It may be a good idea to bind the joint to help it keep in good shape. Place it in a small oven dish and pour the marinade over. Leave the joint there until the next day, turning it at regular intervals. Remove the joint from the dish, dry it well and rub it with salt. Cook the joint until it turns a pleasant brown colour all over, turn down the heat and add water to reach 2-3 cm up the side of the joint, approx. 3/4 litre. Let the joint simmer for about 20 minutes, turn it over and leave it for another 20 minutes. Measure enough of the juices to make enough marinade, about 3/4 litre. Add the thickening to the marinade, and then the sour cream to taste. Serve with boiled beans or other vegetables, and potatoes - boiled or fried in the pan.
Whale Steak with Green Peas - A Recipe
One 2lb joint of whale meat
4 dl red wine
2 dl water
15 juniper berries
2 dessert spoons of black currant cordial, cream, cornflour
Brown the joint on all sides in a stewpan, add the red wine, water and mashed juniper berries. Simmer under lid for about 30 minutes. Place a weight on the lid. Remove the meat and wrap it in aluminium foil while finishing making the gravy.
Gravy: Add the black currant cordial to the juices in the pan. Add cream to taste and thicken with cornflower. Cut the meat in thin slices and serve with potatoes, green peas, sprouts and mountain cranberries.
Blue Whale
1 part Vodka
2 parts Sour Mix, bottled
1 part Blue Curacao
Blend and serve in exotic glasses.
Kwakuitl Recipe For A Whale Found Dead
When the hunter finds a dead whale, he goes home to his house; and when he comes to the beach in front of his house, he stands up in the bow of his small hunting-canoe and promises a whale-feast to his people. Then his people learn that he has found a dead whale. He gives to his daughter the name Place-of-cutting-Blubber, for he invites them on her behalf.
Then the tribe make ready. They sharpen their butcher-knives that day. In the morning, when daylight comes, the whole tribe launch their small canoes for carrying whale-blubber. Their wives steer the canoes when they start.
He who found the dead whale goes ahead of his tribe. When they arrive at the place where the whale is lying, his father, if he has one, goes up to the whale with the daughter of the one who found the whale; that is, with Place-of-cutting-Blubber. They stand behind the neck of the whale; and when the guests arrive at the beach where the dead whale lies, his father speaks, and says, "O tribe! come and cut the blubber of the salmon of Place-of-cutting-Blubber, for it is very fat." Then he speaks again, calling the head chief of the tribe. He says, "You shall have for your dish the dorsal fin, Chief Place-of-Property;" that is if the Seaward-Dwellers are invited. Then he calls the common people.
His tribe goes ashore at once, and they stand at the right-hand side of the whale. They stand according to their seats at the feast; but Place-of-Property stand near the dorsal fin of the whale. The whale lies on it's belly, and (the head chief) holds in each hand a butcher-knife. He puts these on the back of the whale's neck, and measures one fathom. Then he moves backward, cutting along the two sides of the whale towards the tail, back of the dorsal fin. Then he stops.
The (people) cut around the neck of the whale, beginning at the back of the whale's head; and the one next in rank to Property-Place cuts off a piece of head; a fathom wide, beginning at the cut made by Property-Place, downward to the belly of the whale. The one next in rank cuts a piece of the same width, and all the men receive pieces of the same width as they cut off the blubber crosswise downward. As soon as all the blubber is off, the women cut a hole in the sin side of the whale, and cut off the inside fat. When it is all off, they put it aboard the canoes. Next they cutoff a piece of the tail of the whale; and when it is all off, they go home to their houses.
Then they unload the blubber and put it down above high-water mark. After it has all been taken up, the man takes a short board for cutting blubber. He puts it down, takes the blubber, and puts it on the board to be cut. He measures it so that it is cut in pieces four finger-widths wide. He continues this the whole length of the blubber. After a piece is off, he cuts it crosswise, so that it is half a finger-width thick. After it has all been cut up, he puts the pieces into a kettle for boiling.
She puts the kettle on the fire on the beach to try out the oil. He takes the tongs and stirs it , and he continues stirring it. His wife takes a box and places it by the side of the fire on which the oil is being tried out. She also takes a large shell of a horse-clam. When it boils up, she takes the large clam-shell and skims off the whale-oil and pours it into the box. She only stops when all the whale-oil is off the boiled blubber. Then she takes a large basket, takes the boiled blubber out of the kettle, and puts it into the basket.
When it is all in, she puts it down in the corner of the house. The people also take the oil-boxes at each end and another man puts them down in the corner of the house. (The owner's); wife takes cedar-bark, splits it into long strips, and carries it to the basket containing the boiled blubber, next to which she sits down.
Then she takes out one of the pieces of boiled blubber and she ties it in the middle with the cedar-bark. She takes another one and ties it in the middle. She continues doing so, and does not stop until the strips of split cedar-bark are all used up; and when it is done, it is in this way: [illustration of threaded string of blubber pieces ] Now, the name of the boiled blubber is changed and it is called "tied in the middle." After all this has been done, she hangs up the pieces over the fire of the house, and evaporates them until they are dry.
After they have been hanging therefor one month, she takes a small kettle and puts into it one string of blubber tied in the middle, together with the cedar-bark. She pours water on it; and when the water shows on the top, she puts it on the fire. After it has been boiling a long time, she takes it off. She takes a small dish and puts it down near the kettle in which the pieces tied in the middle have been cooked. She takes the tongs and takes hold of the boiled pieces and puts them into the small dish. After she has taken them all out of the kettle, she tries to eat it at once, while it is still hot, for it is tender while it is hot, but it gets tough when it gets cold.
After she has eaten enough, she puts away what is left; and when she wants to eat more, she takes her kettle, pours water into it, and puts it on the fire of the house. When it begins to boil, she takes it off the fire. She takes the cold pieces of blubber tied in the middle and places them in the hot water; and when she thinks that they are hot, she takes them out with her tongs and places them in small dishes, and they eat it before it gets cold. After she has eaten enough, she puts it away, and she just heats it whenever she wants to eat of it. This is called "eating boiled blubber tied in the middle".
Menu served at the Cafe Voisin, 261, rue St. Honorè, Paris
Source: The Art of French Cooking, by B. Winer
December 25, 1870
99th Day of the Siege
HORS D' OEUVRES
Butter - Radishes - Stuffed Donkey's Head - Sardines
SOUPS
Puree of Red Beans with croutons - Elephant consomme
ENTREES
Fried Gudgeon - Roast Camel English style
ROASTS
Haunch of Wolf, Venison sauce
Cat flanked by Rats
Watercress Salad
Antelope Terrine with Truffles
Mushrooms Bordelaise
Buttered Green Peas
SIDE DISHES
Rice Cake with Jam
DESSERTS
Gruyere Cheese
WINES
Sherry Mouton Rothschild 1864
La Tour Blanche 1861 Roman=E9e Conti 1858
Ch. Palmer 1864 Bellenger frappe
Grand Porto 1827
Which it's the Patrick O'Brian list of the world!